I was having a hard time deciding what to do for this portfolio assignment. I was talking with my roommate about all of the ideas I had and then she asked me, well have you been to another religious gathering before? At first I thought to myself, "of course I have, most of my friends growing up were different religions than I am". But I suddenly realized I have never once been to another religious service. I had been to lutheran churches for my piano recitals, and have gone to youth group fun activities with friends but I had never actually attended another religious service before. So, I searched for a meeting that worked with my schedule, and found myself preparing to attend a Catholic Mass in Orem.
I was actually really excited at first, I was interested to see how different groups worship in their own churches. I was excited to participate and get to know another religion and a new type of gathering. The nerves didn't hit me until I pulled into the parking lot. I was suddenly very aware that I was alone, I didn't have anyone to walk in with and look lost alongside of. I had to look awkwardly confused and lost all by myself, which is something I don't often have to do. I sat in my car for a minute, watching people walk into the building. I wanted to know which door to walk in through to avoid going through the wrong entrance. I glanced up the walking path towards what looked like the main doors, pictured below, and took a deep breath as my heart started to beat faster and faster.
I walked into the building and was in an immediate panic. There was at least three different ways I could've turned. I didn't want to seem lost or that I didn't belong, that way I would draw as little attention to myself as I could. Because, I was there alone and I didn't know what I was doing and wanted as little attention on me as possible. I turned right, following a small crowd and saw what looked to be the chapel. So i walked through the doors, pictured below, and immediately started scouting out a seat. It was a new culture I had never experienced, a new group of people with whom I hadn't had much experience interacting with. And because I was going to experience a new culture, I was nervous about what I was going to experience!
My first instinct was to go to the very back of the church, which is what I initially did. I wanted to be there and experience it, but again I didn't want attention on me. So i snapped a few pictures, below, before the service began. I wasn't sure if i was allowed to take pictures while the service was happening so I took these before we started. Right as I finished getting a few pictures, a man around the age of 25 came up to me. "Are you visiting today?", he asked. How did he know?? I immediately felt self conscious and was questioning how he knew I was a visitor, what had I done out of the ordinary that pointed me out of the crowd? He was super friendly, handed me the pamphlets pictured below and walked me through what the service would be like. This could be viewed as a form of comprehensible input since he used the pamphlet to help make the content understandable to me as a new learner. After he left, I was super impressed by his kindness and helpful attitude. So I thought for a second, and stood up to find a new spot where I could participate more than just sitting in the back and people watching.
I sat next to a couple, Erica and Jim who were so kind! We briefly exchanged greetings and I explained how I was visiting. I could tell that the congregation was split into two groups, white conservatives and latino families. I couldn't help but think that this was some sort of institutional racism within the church, or at least a separation of cultures. While sitting there reverently with them waiting for the service to begin, more people began to walk in and make a few stops before they sat down. In the picture above, you can sort of make out a white symbolic baptism font in the middle of the picture. Everybody touched this on the way in, and some holy water by the door and did the sign of the cross before proceeding to their seat. I then realized how the man knew I was visiting, I had walked straight past the holy water and the font and did not perform the sign of the cross.
As the meeting began, I shyly followed along the pamphlet the man had given me and watched those around me sneakily to figure out what I needed to be doing. There was a lot of standing, then sitting, then standing again and singing a song or reciting a phrase after the priest did a reading. It was super confusing to me, even when following the pamphlet and trying to do whatever people around me did. I felt so uncomfortable. I didn't want to do anything wrong and offend anyone, but I also didn't know what signs and phrases I wanted to repeat and mimic. Was doing the sign of the cross wrong for me to do as a Mormon? I had no idea, and decided that I should participate in everything they did as to complete this assignment to the best of my ability. I've never felt so self conscious in a church before! Anytime I messed up-singing the wrong part of the song, saying phrases faster than everyone else, didn't stand or kneel at the right time- I felt so embarrassed. I was trying my best to keep up with everything, but it was all so unfamiliar to me that I did not follow the schedule perfectly.
When it came time for communion, I read in the pamphlet that if i was not a member I was invited to join with the congregation in going to the priest. However, I was not allowed to partake of their sacrament. I was supposed to hold my arms in an 'X' across my chest as to symbolize that I was not a baptized member of the church. According to the pamphlet, this would tell the priest that I wasn't a member and he would bestow a blessing upon me rather than give me a piece of the sacrament. So I walked up in line with the rest of the congregation, assuming that someone else would be just like me and wasn't a member but still wanted a blessing from the priest. But, nope! I was the only one that wasn't a member that had gone up and wanted a blessing from the priest. It was so nerve racking, because I had no one to mimic. No one had done it before me, so I hurried up and crossed my arms over my chest. The priest smiled at me, touched my head and said "blessings be upon you". And I nervously said "thank you", and hurried to my seat. I probably said the wrong thing or didn't do it exactly right, but the priest was kind and knew I was new so I felt okay with everything! I realize that this could be viewed as an experience they made equitable for me. I didn't get the exact same treatment as everyone else did, but I got a personalized blessing that fit my needs and my situation. This is important in church groups, so that each person feels supported and welcomed as an individual in the church that has different needs than those around them.
As the meeting concluded, I realized that had I stayed in the back of the room I would've had a more difficult time following the schedule if I hadn't sat by the nice couple. I probably wouldn't have had the courage to get a blessing from the priest, so I am glad I changed spots before the service started! This also would've been a very different experience had the man not come up to me with pamphlets, and had the people not been so kind. It was confusing to me to follow new rituals and schedules but it was refreshing once it was over and I looked back on my experience. Had the people not been so kind, I probably would've felt way more uncomfortable and self-aware of my every move.
After reflecting back on my experience, I recognize that as a teacher I need to put my students in sometimes uncomfortable positions to teach them important lessons. I definitely feel more courageous after experiencing this, and actually have a strong desire to go out and experience even more religious gatherings. I think it's important for people to be put in uncomfortable, new situations every once and a while. It really makes you figure out what you're like when you challenge yourself, and puts you into positions you wouldn't have experienced otherwise. I hope to implement this in my future classroom by making my students try new things, and sometimes put the spotlight on them even if they don't like it. This will help them grow as individuals and as students working to better themselves and further their education. Calling on children who are shy and feel uncomfortable talking in front of others could potentially help them feel more and more comfortable talking in class. Experiences like that are ones I hope to bring to my future classroom in order to build students to be courageous, outgoing and willing to be put into vulnerable positions
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